Thursday, January 8, 2009

A Light Bulb

Geggie I am so proud of you too! It takes much discipline to do the master cleanse. The detox that I am using you can buy from Trader Joe's- Trader Darwin's Full Body Detox is the name of the product. I am sure you can find em at any whole foods or health store as well. I just like the price of this one 12.99 for 14 days.

Yesterday I hit an emotional wall, or rather slammed into it. It was 5:45 James was being needy and wanting me to hold him, Julian was having a total overtired meltdown and I am trying to make dinner after fighting with James on eating his and Julian being fussy. It was the can opener. First off I will admit I am can opener challenged, I grew up with the under the counter black and Decker automatic opener. We have a manual one that I can't seem to get to work right and generally feel like the village idiot. So the stage is set, pan to one Bug in the kitchen with son number one clinging to her leg, son number screaming like we beat him and can opener NOT opening the Goddamn can of cannelloni beans. I now need to replace my kitchen window. O.K. not really, I did contemplate it though. What actually happened was me bursting into tears and yelling and the can opener right as Ryan walked through the door.

Ryan is good, no. He is great. I don't typically meltdown like this, I can't with the kids around. He immediately swooped in, took the offending can opener from my hands, took James and Julian in his big arms and told me to go chill out for a minute. That's why I married this man, the crazed look of me about to throw a can opener out our kitchen window all the while laughing maniacally does not phase him. However I digress, this does have a point and does relate to our diet. The minute I went to our room and closed the door I laid on the bed. Once I closed my eyes I started thinking about food. I wanted a Oreo cookie blizzard, chocolate chip cookies, crusty french bread. I have read countless time about stress and eating and I know about cortisol etc... I also know that I tend to be an emotional eater, however I have never had a chance to put a finger on it. I felt like a loser. Ashamed. Until I took a breath, a pretty deep one and told myself this is a demon I am going to fight for the rest of my life. Just because something doesn't go my way I can't shove a cookie in my face to make it better, in the end it makes me feel worse and so the vicious cycle begins. OK that is enough for today esoteric stuff huh.

Let's keep up the good work.

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